Monday, May 27, 2013

long time, no blog...

I'm tired.  In both the good and bad ways.  I am 2 weeks away from graduating from Seminary.  I don't have any major papers or assignments to get done, just 2 more small 1-2 pagers, and a few 1/2 page feedback forms.  Not too bad.  I might pick up one of my post-graduation books early.
I'm tired because this little Tasmanian Devil is  and swiftly approaching 2 years old.  TWO.YEARS.OLD. I tell you.  He's fast, likes climbing, knows what he wants (yea, THAT!) and what he doesn't (NOooooooooooOOOooo!).  
But he's generally gentle, loving, a good listener, a kind friend, and a highly motivated learner.  
This one also can't get enough learning.  I swear, half of all my energy is spent trying to answer her 1,000 questions a day.  All good, insightful, deeply thoughtful and articulate questions, many of which are highly theological, but I don't always know how  to answer without stumping her or myself.  
These kids exhaust me.  
but in wonderful ways.
 And I know that these are the days that memories are made of, and my children will have wonderful memories, even if I am too tired to notice them in the midst of it all.
 But that is not the only reason I am exhausted.  I allow my body to fill up with anxiety when I am faced with unknowns.
 And I have many post-graduation unknowns to sort out.
 It's hard to feel tired and trust in the promises of God that offers to me.  I think the fact that I am an I on the Myers-Briggs has become more and more clear to me as I sort out my call to professional ministry.
 However, I am not afraid.  And I can get past the tired, if I can find a way to release the anxiety I place on myself.  These kids certainly help to put it in the back seat, at the very least.
Perhaps I will allow myself to enjoy these last few weeks before H is done with school for the summer, and learn to embrace the liminal state of my post-graduation, pre-internship, living.  Pray that it will be so, dear friends. 
 pray that it be so.