prayers for this day and other days

if you haven't read through this book yet, I urge you to pick one up.  I have had my copy for about 7 years, and I am always finding lovely things in between its pages.

here is a portion of one prayer that I have been praying for a relationship I am currently in.

Help Me to Believe in Beginnings

God of history and of my heart,
so much has happened to me during these whirlwind days:
    I've known death and birth;
    I've been brave and scared;
    I've hurt, I've helped;
    I've been honest, I've lied;
    I've destroyed, I've created;
    I've been with people, I've been lonely;
    I've been loyal, I've betrayed;
    I've decided, I've waffled;
    I've laughed and I've cried.
You know my frail heart and my frayed history -
and now another day begins.

O God, help me to believe in beginnings
and in my beginning again,
no matter how often I've failed before.

Amen.

playing with an image of g-d

I am working on drawing this image up, but here is the verbiage that has spilled from my head this afternoon...

feminine being with earthen eyes
holding a table of the world out from her chest with arms waving excess underneath and bulging biceps
standing up with the strain
with one eye she watches
as her people and her creations wander about with their (our) intentions
and joys and energies varied
move about the earth-table with hollowed bellies, wide open holes like windows to what lies beyond them

some - many - few people kneel down at the feminine breasts
that lay across the table leaking sustenance from her body,
the excess dreamily dripping from their lips
while others slurp fast and move on
and from others the milk spills back out from their hollow centers and trails behind them
and some moan and wail as their tears join the flowing milk in sadness or joy as it flows to the edges of the table-earth

some - many - few people kneel down on the earth-table, and fondle the dirt
with expressions of peace or agony or indifference strewn about their faces and pieces of dirt fall
off the edge of the world
near the feet of the mother who

watches us with one eye

while the other tends to
a pot
of gurgling mud
made up from table-world spilled dirt
which spews steam and smoke swirls up
over the table-world,
circling up and around the hollow centers of the creations wandering across this table-earth
 and filling them
 fueling them
reminding and encouraging them
this, the dirt of decomposed and re-purposed prayers minded by the mother, tended to with a watchful eye, and touched from the lives of those drinking from the streams of her breasts.

Deaconess Assembly

Shepherd and I are in Pittsburgh, PA for the ELCA Deaconess Assembly this week.  Today was the day that all the Sister's arrived and, as a candidate, (Shep &) I ushered them to their rooms and got a chance to chat with many of them on the short walk.  I have to say, I expected a diverse bunch, and these women do not disappoint.  Many were very loving of Shepherd, asking to be called 'Auntie.'  Many were kind in introducing themselves.  Many were ambivalent about us, seeming only to care about their fellow Sisters.  A few actually told me they would not remember my name until I was invested and given the title Sister.  And only 2 (so far, to be fair) have asked me where I feel called to ministry.  I will likely disregard this as something to be attributed to the annual-ness this community gathers, and therefore the rarity so many of these women - many of whom spent time living together in community - get to see one another.  That, and it is the first day.  But some of it puts me off.  I have a few sisters that, sadly already, I have written off as women who will not ever care about what I care about - even though I don't know the first thing about them beyond their names.  Tomorrow the community will begin the process of calling and voting on a new Directing Deaconess.  As a candidate, I am highly encouraged to participate in the discussions and meetings about this, however I am not allowed to vote.  Makes sense.  However, how much would my spoken opinion matter if something needed to be said?  Like I said, I don't know 3/4 of these women from the women I see at the Woodinville Target on a given day, do they care about my opinion or what it represents? Will my voice be one of a young mother who feels a call to prophetic diakonia in a post-religious world in the  Pacific-Northwest, or a girl candidate who doesn't know the community's unspoken rules yet?  I don't know, but I hope that I can be humble enough to be listening for the Lord's stillness and nudges as I enter these discussions.
sigh.  (that was a good one, for the most part)

New things are happening in our home

First, we got a dog.
Second, our girl began Kindergarten - and not just kinder, but full-day kinder.  Plus, she rides the bus.  Plus it's Mon-Fri.  Plus a million other things....
Third, our baby is hardly a babe any more - for Shepherd turned one, and took some precautionary first steps this weekend.
Fourth, Shepherd also began going to daycare this week, because....
Fifth, I start my internship in another week, and classes again this week.
Sixth, I joined the local Stroller Strides group and my arms and abs and thighs and ass and hate/love me for it.
I have many things I'm intending to do with some of this flex-time while both kids are with other adults and I'm not studying, but today on this first day with no kids and no homework, I went to target all by myself and tried on pants.  Yup.  firsts.
:)

today I reach a milestone

Today, my spouse and I celebrate 10 years of marriage.  I am completely honored to have such a fantastic life partner who challenges me, inspires me, comforts me, and believes in me.  We are as different from one another as we are alike.  We compliment one another as often as we frustrate.  But in these past 10 years of marriage, I would not exchange any of the hard or good times for something different.

This first chapter of our marriage has included major things.  Buying and selling and buying homes.  Multiple moves.  Multiple jobs. Medical surprises.  Babies. College.  More college.  Graduate school.  And building a successful business.   I'm hoping that this next chapter of 10 years includes things like getting into the groove of a career for me, finding that perfect fit for James to teach others about ethics and rights, teaching our growing kids how to be peacemakers and justice seekers in their communities, and continuing to find ways to live out the things we believe in our home, family, and community.  I believe that the first chapter was the hardest - many major challenges and changes happen in a family during those younger years.  Here's to hoping the next chapter can be settling and defining of how we live our relationship out in and for the world.

Happy Anniversary!

What I am....

eating - the best macaroni salad ever by pioneer woman

reading - Jamie's Food Revolution

Canning & Preserving by Ashley English

Lily Among Thorns: Imagining a New Christian Sexuality

Inheritance

watching - Project Runway Season 10!

This weekend brings many joys for this mama.  I get to go sew with a  mama friend tonight.  Tomorrow I'm meeting another mama for an event that brings exercise equipment for moms to parks where their kiddos play, and Sunday, I get to tour my dad's garden with my neighbor mama friend.  I'm looking forward to the refreshment of spending time with others :)

hope you all have a great weekend, too!

If you’ve never experienced the joy of accomplishing more than you can imagine, plant a garden. - Robert Brault
I have been enjoying this summer weather Seattle has had.  Did y'all get that? I, Ms.I.Love.Rain.More.Than.Normal said that these sunny weeks haven't been the death of me like I always assumed they would be :).  I have been outside with the kids for 10+ hours each day in our very own yard, with our very own garden, weeding our very own beds, and eating our very own produce.  I have been wearing tank tops and the freckles on my shoulders are merging into one giant darn brown splotch, and my 30 year old sunscreened and freckled face is glowing back at me from the mirror, looking like I had imagined myself to be at this age when I was a young girl. 
I have had 2 kids, 4 hospital "births," and 5 pregnancies.  I've been married 10 years come this August.  I've accomplished much, but for some strange reason, it wasn't until earlier this week when I saw that 30 year old glowing face that I realized I'm not a girl - I'm a grown-up.  And gardening in the Seattle sunshine has helped me to find, claim, and own that.  How strange....