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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

RAI-131


Last Friday, I went in to Nuclear Medicine and took a tracer dose of RAI-131 (Radioactive Iodine) that would leave markers on all the thyroid cells in my body so that the specialists would be able to determine the correct full dosage of RAI-131 to give me Monday.  Yesterday, James and I went in for my scan and full dosage.  While I was immobile on the scanning bed, James (brilliant man that he is!)  took this picture of what was appearing on the scan image.  This star is coming from my neck - where my thyroid used to be, and is showing us where the tracer dose settled in my body.  It also tells us that there were no floating cancer cells that moved to other places (that lighter comma mark in the image is my stomach - RAI leeches out in saliva, and you swallow that so the stomach typically glows, too).   This is very kind news.



As I left the Nuclear Medicine wing of the hospital, a number of alarms went off and people popped their heads out of their doors.  I was officially radioactive.  Woah.  This is what I look like.  Pretty gnarly, huh?


My parents fixed up a room for me to stay in while I need to be away from my kiddos for the next week.  Across the room is a TV with On Demand.  I'm making good use of that ;-)


My sister took this picture of the kiddos this morning.  I miss these two, even though they are crazy and wild and loud.  Maybe also because they are so crazy and wild and loud.  I love these bright shiny lovelies.  They have enjoyed talking to me on the phone (S:  I'm in the truck mom!  H: Sorry we're eating dipped ice cream cones without you!), and H has requested a Skype call this evening.  

So far, I'm feeling alright.  I went on a 2.5 mile walk last night with my dad (with him 5 feet in front of me, speaking back over his shoulder! LOL!), and fell asleep at 9:15pm.  Today I feel a bit nauseous, so I took a provided med and will need to begin sucking on 1 lemon drop candy an hour after lunch for the next 24 hours - oh it's a hard job...

Perhaps I will get to my approval essay and a stack of knitting, too - we shall wait and see!  I do have until Saturday in here!!

joyfully,
sr liz


Saturday, July 5, 2014

Final Sermon for 7/6/14

Grace and Peace to you, my friends, sisters and brothers in Christ, in the name of Jesus who guides and accompanies us all on this day.  Amen. 

My partner James was listening to a Ted Talk on education a few months ago and heard this story.  One Christmas season, a church was putting on a play for the community using their children and youth to play the Bible story characters of the Nativity.  Three young boys were asked to play the three magi or wise men.  When their turn came to speak the first one said, “I have come to offer gifts of Gold to the child king.”  The second one, as the story goes, said, “I have come bearing myhrr for the child.”  But when time came for the third boy to share his gift, he paused, bit his lip in thought, and finally said, “Frank sends this gift I bring.”

As I reflected on what I wanted to share with you from these texts, I was reminded of this story of a boy who, in an uncertain circumstance, couldn’t remember the “right” thing to say during his part in the christmas play.  I remember this first because it’s sweet, and we all know that a cute antidotal story at the beginning of a sermon can be a piece of good news to those who are too tired to listen to the whole sermon.  But also because it is a fantastic example of what the faith of a child can teach us.  This boy forgot his line, paused to think deeply about what it might be, and without checking for certainty, he followed his gut and said what he hoped was the closest sounding thing to the actual line of “frankincense is the gift I bring,”  by saying “frank sends this gift I bring.”  He didn’t run scared from the stage and hide.  He didn’t ask his neighbor, or his director in a hurried whisper.  He didn’t even say, “I can’t do this!” and storm from the stage in a huff.  He knew there was a risk he could be wrong, and went for it.  



Our Gospel text this morning begins with this message from Matthew, where Christ compares his generation to children bickering on the steps of the town - a lame game of he said, she said being played by whiney grown-up babies.  Just as some refused to repent when challenged by John, so, too, they refuse to join the celebrations of Jesus -- “a man, a glutton and a drunkard.” The  whiners all just sit, hurling their bitter words against one another. This becomes the new game. Sound familiar?

Contemporary politics has made us very familiar indeed with the game of reducing complex issues to ideals and platitudes, picking a side, and yelling at one another.  A whole lot of words and less and less action for any single issue. 

Children have much less fear about getting things right than we do.  In the story I told earlier, the boy knew that he has a responsibility to act - I mean, he had a key role in this play - a well known character, with a good costume and a very specific and important line!  And in the effort to do so, he denied his own human fear to be wrong and said something!  Really, while it gifts us all with a few chuckles, he has also gifted us with an example of childish - child-LIKE faith in action.  
Now think of your own life, and the ways you have stopped yourself from acting because you weren’t sure you could do that thing correctly, or that the issue was just so much bigger than you could imagine, that you remained inactive by default.

Have you ever decided that you want to be a more ethical consumer, shopping for organic local produce, and homemade community sourced soap only to realize that your old navy sweater was made by children and women in slavery in Indonesia?  
Or tried to be more green and just thought composting would be too hard for you to try?
Or wanted to help those in need on the street corners with signs, but didn’t know how so you simply avoided eye contact for the time being?

Paul gives clear voice to this flaw in our Second lesson.  The problem with all our human ideas about how to be religious is not that they are failures of logic, or are inconsistent systems of ethics, or that they even ask to much of us.  The problem is, we are our own enabler and enemy. 
When Paul says in Romans; “I don’t understand my own actions.  For I don’t do what I want,  but I do the very thing I hate.” and again “I can will what is right, but I cannot do it;” we are all forced to nod with sad and rueful recognition.  Our behaviors big and small are very seldom completely consistent with our desires, and we, like Paul, long to know not only why, but how will we ever get off this endless cycle of failure and guilt?
It’s impossible to get this right.  We have all failed, and will continue to do so.  Which makes it so easy to go back and note the behavior of the people in the first half of our Gospel text.  The whiners and complainers who couldn’t give John the baptizer or Jesus the Christ the validity they deserved.  It was too hard to say yes to someone, someTHING so big and fearfully different.

However, the second part of our Gospel text has a strong message to speak to us in the midst of this.  Jesus reminds us that we are offered a place to remove our burdens and take on the gentle, caring, lighter burden of Christ’s own yoke.  What could this mean of the fear that leads us to inaction?  Our own burden is one of seeing injustice in our world, and being so internally aware of it that we ignore it, cover it or hide from it, pretend that the injustices we are clearly seeing aren’t really there.   We are called to carry the burden of freedom and the weight of seeking justice and mercy and equity for all who have yet to receive it, while knowing full well that we can’t do this at all!!  Our burden is H-U-G-E.

But if we choose to accept this yoke as Christ offers it, the yoke of Christ that calls us to action, any action, no matter how big or little, will ALWAYS be less burdensome than our previous yoke of inaction.  The gospel message I have found here is this:

Jesus says, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  The way of Jesus will always seem hard, until we take the yoke upon us and find its ease and lightness.  


amen and amen.
many thanks to lectionarylab.com for such great inspiration and directive genius!  It's hard not to just preach their sermons!

Friday, June 27, 2014

church and empire vs vulnerability

I'm preaching/presiding at a local congregation next week and the texts are rough.  They are the Romans passage where Paul goes on and on about doing what he doesn't want to do, and not doing what he wants to.  He says that nothing good dwells within him.  Then the gospel text is from Matthew where Jesus says that no one can know (God) except through the Son, and we who are burdened should come to him, for Jesus' yoke is easy and the burden is light.

Man.

I've been struggling with finding the right connection and gospel proclamation that isn't trite from this.  But I have an idea....

Jesus yoke is not the kind of burden less freedom that sends us trolloping through fields of wildflowers.  Following Jesus, taking up his yoke, is acknowledging we have a freedom from empire in Christ, and we are called to bear the burden of joining in justice seeking, peace making, servant leadership, empire resisting discipleship.

And this is HARD.

seriously.  Have you ever decided that you want to be an ethical consumer, shopping for organic local produce, and homemade community sourced soap only to realize that your old navy sweater was made by children and women in slavery in Indonesia?  "I do not do what I want to do, and and I do what I don't want to."

Or, that time you said I'm finally fully aware of my addiction to sugar, and I'm going to stop eating it at all - right after I finish the ice cream I bought this morning...  "I do what I hate, not what I want."

and joining in the community of christ which bears the yoke of justice communally, we are recognizing that our struggles won't be gone, yet they won't be as pertinent to our desire for bringing the kingdom here and now.

and that's how I  start a sermon...

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Holy Trinity Devotion


James is serving his last night on our Church's council tonight, and asked me to write his devotion for him.  This is what I wrote:

This coming Sunday is Holy Trinity Sunday.  In the gospel Jesus sends his disciples forth to baptize in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. More than a doctrine, the Trinity expresses the heart of our faith: we have experienced the God of creation made known in Jesus Christ and with us always through the Holy Spirit. 


Sister Liz and I have a friend who is currently writing a story about the Trinity reimagined as a whole and perfect family.  God is the Father, Spirit is the Mother, and Jesus is the child.  In her imagining, she tells a story where throughout the Gospels, whenever Jesus goes off to pray, he is really reuniting with him mom and dad, to gather around a meal and have a conversation around discernment.  Our favorite part of this newly imagined story is around when Jesus is 12 and goes missing while hanging out in the Temple.  

Our friend writes that Mary, Joseph, and Jesus are journeying with a crowd of friends and family to Jerusalem.  Jesus is an older boy, and is so excited because during this trip, he will be allowed to sleep in the tent with all the other boys - not in the same old boring tent with his parents.  After all the campfire stories and jokes are spent, Jesus climbs into his blankets to get some rest.  But his dad, God the Father, sneaks in and silently draws Jesus outside.  They quietly walk about a mile away where mom the Spirit has laid out a lovely picnic of so many of Jesus' favorite foods.  And they all sit to eat.  While they are eating, God and Spirit tell Jesus all about the history of these people, and the plans that they have to adopt all of them into the holiest of families when them.  Jesus will get millions of brothers and sisters to enjoy!  They talked and shared and laughed and engaged all aspects of family life all night together. Just before the sun came up, Jesus was sent back into camp to tuck back under his blankets like the other boys.  While walking home, Jesus passed a group of Priests discussing Scripture on their way into town to the temple.  For the first time, Jesus really understood what they were talking about.  He was brimming with insight and information that he could share with them that he excitedly ran to walk with them and began telling them everything he knew.  They were so intrigued that they pulled him with them into the temple to share all day and all night.  Best thing to ever happen to a 12 year old boy, right?  And we all know the rest of the story - Mary and Joseph, his foster parents, left Jerusalem, thinking Jesus was still off galavanting with the other boys and noticed he was missing later the next day...

This imagining about the Trinity is really all we have.  Scripture doesn't define it for us, we are simply told that these three entities exist.  So my question for you tonight is this:  what aspects of the Trinitarian family would you like to spend more time engaging in your living and your prayers?  Do you want to notice the movements of the Spirit more in your listening?  Is it hard for you to embrace the playfulness or boldness of Jesus?  How would it feel to talk to God like you talk to your Mother?  or Father?  Think on that for a moment and I will end our devotion in prayer.

God of One and God of Three. Your Holy Trinity celebrates the wonder of relationship with you while leaving us distinctly dissatisfied with our limited understanding of what you are.  But we know that you have welcomed us into your holy family through the waters of baptism.  Grant us the grace to know that is enough, and the imagination to see the possibilities and truth of what that means.  In your Holy name, Amen.

Friday, January 3, 2014



Confession: sometimes I feel as though I deserve to be frustrated.
angry.
hurt.
confused.

I am a natural born sinner, and I know better than anyone my daily failings.  


I also know that the choices I make in this life I am living are never completely right or wrong. 
They are simply choices...

to make it through a day.
to care for someone in a different way.
to care for myself.
Choices made selfishly and greedily, and choices made because I am otherwise out of options.



I know very well that each and every one of the small hundreds of daily choices we make as humans effect us and those we love - not always either well or poorly, but in that same gray way that we don't always understand.  I can try my best to prepare myself for the reactions of others to my choices, but ultimately, I must stand by them knowing that I made them, and from that moment on my life is ultimately different.


But that is not part of my confession.  My children and my partner do not typically understand my choices.  I struggle to communicate clearly with all 3 of them what the needs of this family are and how difficult it is to be the only one who can see that choices aren't always right or wrong but varied in their shades of gray.  You know the ones - parenting, money, cleanliness, responsibility, time.  The choices made in any of those decisions are equivalent to Breaking Bad variations of gray.


Sometimes, the things I choose to benefit the family are misunderstood.  Sometimes they are just really poor choices.  Sometimes they are necessary.  Sometimes they are difficult, confusing, frustrating, or easy.  

So here I stand - confessing that I have made choices that aren't perfect, that don't always make sense, and that sometimes feel to others like I've chosen to be hurtful.   Sometimes knowingly, sometimes unbeknownst to me, always for the benefit of one or more of the four of us.


But then here is the Absolution:
I know what LOVE is.   I know that LOVE is with me, comforting me in my dismay of being misunderstood, consoling me in my anger when I'm not listened to, and compassionate when I make all manner of mistakes.  LOVE abides in me and offers herself to the family in and through and between all the choices we ALL make as a family.  LOVE is the glue that binds us together in a holy way.  LOVE is the solvent that removes the binding that anger, mistrust, frustration, and sorrow hold me in.  
LOVE wins. (even when it doesn't look like it.)



Wednesday, January 1, 2014

kindness

I have been busy.  Chaotic with less contentment for sure.  Though my internship sites are lovely and I'm truly enjoying every minute, I don't yet completely know how to juggle all the things I want to do.

I want to run races.
I want to make music.
I want to read more.
I want to enjoy the minutes while my kids are little.
I want to knit many lovely things.
I want to be more kind
and more present.

Most of all, I want to figure out how to do all these things without feeling guilty that I hadn't chosen differently in the moment.  I want to play with my kids, and not feel shame for not running.  I want to read a book and not feel guilty for having salad and PB&J's for dinner.  I want to experience freedom in enjoying my work and not criticize myself for being away from the family.  I want to love my partner and not look jealously at the 30 sweaters my knitting friends pump out every year.  

So my word for this year - my oneword365.com is kindness.  



I shall be kind to myself as I try to juggle and fail, when I can't put away the guilt I will smother it with self kindness.  Because while my life can be chaotic, I need to remember that I am blessed beyond compare, and that is enough to be content.  

I want to enjoy this year, and with great kindness (and a good calendar app), I believe I will.

Monday, November 4, 2013

vocation and formation

I have been deeply engaged in my internship(s) these last 2 months.  40 hours a week of (underpaid) ministry looks so much more like 60 hours a week, and while I enjoy most every minute of it, I have been reminded of late just how hard it is to be present to people and projects and family 60 hours a week.


At TLC, I get to teach a small cohort of a larger class of Freshman a course called "Vocation and Formation."  It is a class that provides mentorship and training for discernment, naming and telling your stories,  identifying ones call, holy listening, and how to ask self awakening questions of yourself and one another.  Basically, it's the coolest internship ever.  


 Last weekend, all 7 cohorts of the class gathered together for a retreat at Camp Lutherwood.  It was a holy time of formation, laughter, discernment, stories, and fun.  I was gifted the chance to plan and lead the closing ritual worship for the retreat.  We wandered through a 3 part ritual starting with listening/hearing your call, moving to claiming your call, and ending with serving as called.

It was my first time as a Sister guiding a community through a hand washing ritual.  I expected with 2 stations and 40 or so college students, we would buzz through the process rather swiftly - maybe 2 songs.  I was wrong.  It took 8 songs.  These students relished the chance to serve one another in this intimate, gentle, deliberate way.  The experience of looking one another in the eyes, pouring warm water over and through the fingers of another, drying them deliberately with a towel was almost too genuine to watch.  It was a deeply sacramental experience.

And I was challenged at this retreat to remember that I, too, as an intern, am to be experiencing a season of Vocation and Formation.  While I accompany these college students on their journey, they are also accompanying me on mine.  I am blessed by supervisors who get who I am and how I am called, and encourage me to be fully that.  As much as I can and should be using this space to dream and vision what I could do with and in my call, I also need to develop a discipline of presence and calm discernment. So now, 2 months in, I am challenged to be engaged in daily relationships, as well as building on the future, walking my kids to school without my iPhone email inbox in front of my face, and remembering the challenges associated with saying yes and the grace that comes from saying no.  
Many thanks to Sister Krista, Pr. Erik Samuelson, Ryan Marsh, and many others walking alongside me as I define my self, my vocation, my dreams, and God's vision for the kingdom of God.