I'm tired. In both the good and bad ways. I am 2 weeks away from graduating from Seminary. I don't have any major papers or assignments to get done, just 2 more small 1-2 pagers, and a few 1/2 page feedback forms. Not too bad. I might pick up one of my post-graduation books early.
I'm tired because this little Tasmanian Devil is so.darn.fast. and swiftly approaching 2 years old. TWO.YEARS.OLD. I tell you. He's fast, likes climbing, knows what he wants (yea, THAT!) and what he doesn't (NOooooooooooOOOooo!).
But he's generally gentle, loving, a good listener, a kind friend, and a highly motivated learner.
This one also can't get enough learning. I swear, half of all my energy is spent trying to answer her 1,000 questions a day. All good, insightful, deeply thoughtful and articulate questions, many of which are highly theological, but I don't always know how to answer without stumping her or myself.
These kids exhaust me.
but in wonderful ways.
And I know that these are the days that memories are made of, and my children will have wonderful memories, even if I am too tired to notice them in the midst of it all.
But that is not the only reason I am exhausted. I allow my body to fill up with anxiety when I am faced with unknowns.
And I have many post-graduation unknowns to sort out.
It's hard to feel tired and trust in the promises of God that offers to me. I think the fact that I am an I on the Myers-Briggs has become more and more clear to me as I sort out my call to professional ministry.
However, I am not afraid. And I can get past the tired, if I can find a way to release the anxiety I place on myself. These kids certainly help to put it in the back seat, at the very least.
Perhaps I will allow myself to enjoy these last few weeks before H is done with school for the summer, and learn to embrace the liminal state of my post-graduation, pre-internship, living. Pray that it will be so, dear friends.
pray that it be so.
amen.
